if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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