its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
