He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
