I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
