Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
