My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
