the condom got lost in my hair
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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