And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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