Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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