I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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