if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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