i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
