The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
