it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
