So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
