if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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