Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
