Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
