she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
