i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
