Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
