I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
