i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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