I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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