I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
