Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
