Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
