The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
