walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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