A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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