Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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