he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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