Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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