why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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