Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
