I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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