I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
