A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
