i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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