I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
