yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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