The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Farmville is her only friend.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
