He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When are your genitals available?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
