If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
