Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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