This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
