ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my sisters under your porch take her home
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Drunk is a universal language darling
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
