Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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