Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
