just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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