You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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