my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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