I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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