I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
